Lost and Found
by BoomBoxChick196
Summary: She was the daughter of a police officer who didn't know she existed - until she went missing in the snow. Now, faced with the truth the parents of Lily Dasari are left wondering how it all got to be such a mess.  Slightly AU  Neil/Grace
1. Alone in the Cold

**Hey, this is my first ever The Bill fanfiction which i decided to post purely because I've written several chapter s of it (which I've never done with any other story I've started). It will be Neil/Grace but not right from the off. This chapter takes place in the future and the story will flit backwards and forwards between past and present until the ins and outs become clear.  
>Please give it a go and give me a review!<br>Thank You!**

Even wrapped up in their uniform and high res jackets every officer in that garden, on the street and in the surrounding wooded area was freezing. The temperature hovered precariously around the zero mark and most of the volunteers had retreated to the relative warmth of the epicentre of the massive search that had been going on since four o'clock. Despite daylight being short at that time of the year darkness had seemingly crept up on them. Now, at eight o'clock, with snow falling in drifts it seemed less likely that they would find her tonight. But no one was prepared to stop the search for one second. Come wind, snow, fog and freezing conditions it seemed no police officer was not going to rest until they found the little girl. Tiny footprints that could have been followed had been covered with fresh snow before the police arrived, lost as her grandfather and cousins had begun the first search. Police Sergeant Callum Stone knelt beside the massive Alsatian that was straining at the lead of its handler. In his hand was a kid's "Me to You" bear pyjama top. This particular dog was from the second group of sniffers that had been drafted in. The other half was searching the streets.

"You said the kid's been gone six hours?" The handler, a round bellied northerner, asked.

"Well, last seen six hours ago, she was playing hide and seek with her cousins. They stopped searching for her after twenty minutes and went inside figuring she'd get bored and come out. After another twenty minutes the grandmother made the older ones and her hubby start looking. When they couldn't find her they called us." Callum cleared his throat, the breath he released floated in a cloud into the dark. "We'll find her."

"We'll find her won't be, my lass?" The handler asked the dog which gave an agreeing growl. "Bit worried about the cold though if I'm honest." Callum glanced upwards. "I did a stint in search and rescue, came across adults that didn't survive going astray in such conditions."

"Like I said," Callum growled standing up, "we'll find her." The Alsatian strained against its lead, nose to the ground. Its head snapped up and she gave a sharp bark. The handler jogged with her across the garden and through the gate to the woods.

"The dog got something?" Jo Masters asked hopefully, stopping beside the massive dog.

The handler grinned and unclipped the lead. "Let's see. Go Lady." The dog set off, the handler and Jo following after her. She led them off the track that had been beaten into the ground after years of footfall erosion and into thicker trees and bracken.

"Kai had us in here before." Jo remarked, remembering being led in this direction by the missing girl's ten year old cousin. "He last saw her run off this way." The handler nodded gruffly as Lady leapt through a dying bush before them.

"I didn't think these woods were so big." The handler remarked.

"They border all the houses in this estate in a circle. There's a broken wall up ahead, it goes in a semi circle and it's a boundary line for the kids. We think Lily is somewhere within the line." Nate Roberts joined them as they crept towards the broken wall. When they reached it Lady's head shot in the air. With a sharp bark she pelted East. It was Nate who sprinted off after her, managing keep up as Lady followed the wall and then dived back into the trees. He emerged in a small clearing overshadowed by a fallen tree, the floor a carpet of crackling leaves. As Jo and Lady's handler appeared behind him they held their collective breath as Lady stopped at the split trunk of the fallen oak. The dog raised her head and barked loudly. Nate jogged over, shoved her out of the way.

In the hollowed out trunk Nate found six year old Lily Dasari.

She was dressed in a red coat and chinos just as her grandparents described. She wore matching red willies with her chinos tucked in. She was well wrapped up in her white hat, scarf and glove set. Just like in the pictures she was small and dark skinned with long dark lashes and thick dark brown curls framing her pretty face. Eyelids, delicate as butterfly wings, hid her big brown eyes that in the picture her mum had given them had been sparkling with excitement. But she was rigid with cold. Her jacket was stiff with ice, snow that had fallen on her as she had run to hide had frozen as she lay there. It had frozen in her hair too. Nate reached out and pulled her into him gently. Their cheeks brushed and the cold from that little body made him shiver. What kept him going was the way her chest rose and fell, every so often, giving the only hint that she was still alive.

"We have her!" Jo shouted as they ran back through the garden gate to where the paramedics were waiting with foil blankets. They took her from Nate's arms and bundled her off. The back door of the house was wrenched open and Jo turned to face the woman who years ago she would have considered her best friend. Grace Dasari stood on the top step, her eyes red, puffy and swollen from crying and mouthed "thank you" before running off with the paramedics who carried her daughter.

In the door behind her a confused, ashen faced Neil Manson stood.

It seemed like an age since he and Grace had last spoken. Yet even then, when things were so unsure and rocky she had never told him. Never even thought to inform him that she was pregnant or after the fact that he was the father of a beautiful little girl called Lily. Now he might never get to know his daughter, who knew what the cold had done to her, was she even alive? Neil wondered as he stood on the step in the cold watching the search wrap up. Neil wondered how everything had gone from being so good to this. Because _this _felt awful.


	2. How We Were

**So I decided on a quick update - thank you to my two reviewers, the support is appreciated. Well, here goes nothing...**

_September 2010._

"Crushed again, dad!"

The sound of her not-quite-step-son's voice, high pitched with excitement, greeted Grace Dasari as she entered the Manson household. Nine year old Jake's school shoes had been kicked off as he made a beeline for the kitchen on his arrival home earlier that afternoon and were metres apart from each other going up the hall, his blazer was strewn haphazardly over the banister and his bag was tossed by the living room door. Grace noted with amusement the contrast this created with Neil's jacket hanging neatly where it was supposed to be behind the front door, his shoes stowed away to the side where no one – i.e. Jake – was likely to trip on them and his laptop case, although bulging at the zips with paperwork, was beneath the hall table, out of the way of certain young boys who had tendencies to not look where they were going. Hanging her own coat beside Neil's and taking off her shoes in a way that showed her familiarity with her surroundings Grace made her way towards the sounds of gloating that were floating from the room Jake had taken for his own den. Tucked in the back corner of the ground floor of Neil's red bricked town house, the room consisted of a battered but comfy old couch, two blue bean bags, an on the wall flat screen telly, shelves bursting with DVDS and Harry Potter books and Jake's XBOX. Neil was lying with his head in his arms while Jake bounced around the room grinning from ear to ear and singing "I won, I won!" From the playing board on the floor and the very familiar sound of Hedwig's Theme blaring from the telly Grace was under no doubt that Jake had won yet another game of Scene It.

"Lose again, Neil?" She chuckled.

"Grace!" Jake jumped over his dad and greeted her with a hug. The novelty of being hugged by Jake Manson had not quite worn off since the first time he'd felt comfortable enough to do so a week or so before but Grace definitely liked the feeling of Jake's acceptance and it pleased Neil no end that his son and girlfriend were getting on well. As if he could hear her thinking of him Neil got to his feet and replaced Jake, wrapping his arms around her and whispering in her ear "Save me!" Grace laughed as Jake, who had clearly heard his dad's plea for help began to explain.

"He's lost three times in the past two hours. That last time, he never even got a role of the dice." Bending down Jake began to shuffle question cards. He looked up at Grace expectantly. "Will you play this time?"

It had been what had cemented her as acceptable – her ability to present a challenge to his Harry Potter knowledge. The first time she'd met Jake he'd been chained to a hospital bed by a drip that was feeding poison – or what the doctors liked to call "chemotherapy" – into his blood stream. She'd arrived unannounced, tired of his dad's mood swings and his increasing evasiveness. But if Grace had been shocked at what she'd discovered that June evening she kept it well hidden. Jake hadn't even had his Chelsea cap on for crying out loud and she'd not even mentioned his lack of hair. She was nice to him and she'd brought him Galaxy chocolate – how she'd known about his love for Galaxy he would never know – and, before his dad could make things awkward, had spotted his scene it game and immediately suggested they play. Of course, Jake knew that she'd let him win, especially as she well and truly rubbished dad at it but more than anything else he loved the effect she had on the grumpy DI. He couldn't remember how long before then he had last seen his dad smile but when Grace walked into the ward bearing chocolate and kindness she seemed to have done something to him and once he started smiling, he couldn't stop. Jake had set out to make sure Grace became a regular feature when dad came to visit – and of course on mum and Liam's nights off, he didn't want any weirdness – and when dad told him he'd started dating Grace he had been delighted, immediately making plans for the three of them to have a Harry Potter marathon when he got out of hospital.

"Sure," Grace smiled, "I'll go the Sorting Hat." Neil groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Last game Jake. I'm going to order the pizza, you two start without me." He kissed Grace lightly on the cheek. "Watch him, he cheats."

"I do not cheat!" Jake called at his dad's retreating back. He dragged a bean bag over for Grace. "Dad can sit on the floor again – he isn't cool enough for a bean bag." He moved his Golden Snitch and Neil's Hogwarts Express back to that start space. "Let's wait for dad, it's more fun to see his face when I get the questions right." They shared a chuckle and Jake turned to Grace. "I bet dad would be in Hufflepuff. " That made Grace laugh and Jake grinned at his joke. "I'd be Gryffindor obviously and you would be," he paused, narrowing his eyes. "I don't know, I can't decide whether you'd be Gryffindor or Ravenclaw."

"Ravenclaw, definitely." Neil returned, smiling and carrying three lemonades. "She's too intelligent to be a Gryffindor."

"Hermione was intelligent," Grace countered, thanking him as she took her glass.

"You're smarter than Hermione." Neil winked.

Fighting the urge to ask if he wanted laid; Grace just smiled sweetly and asked, "Looking for something Neil?"

"Just a kiss, I assure you." He leaned in as he sat between her and his son and kissed his lightly on the lips.

"Not in front of the kid!" Jake joked, covering his eyes. "You'll scar me!"

It came extremely close, but in the end Jake won again. He celebrated by eating the most pizza and getting to choose the DVD – Deathly Hallows Part 1 being his flavour of the day. Neil couldn't help but think that on the final question Grace had allowed the boy to win, something that given half the chance he would never have done, only because if he'd had the chance to win for once he'd have grabbed it with both hands. Grace was better than that apparently, although she never had explained why she was so knowledgeable about the world famous series, merely shrugging and saying "Nieces and nephews".

Jake fell asleep sandwiched between his dad and Grace on the sofa, just before the final scenes of the movie. In the morning he would be annoyed that he missed the scene where Dobby loosened the chandelier in Malfoy Manor but all he was thinking about before he fell asleep was how comfortable he felt and how good it was that dad had found someone to be with and how nice Grace was to him, how kind. While Neil carried the boy up to his bedroom, Grace opened doors for him and waited quietly while he settled the him beneath his sheets.

It was when he was sleeping that Jake's illness was most obvious. While awake, Jake was normally chirpy and excited (except when on certain medicines which made him prone to mood swings or when he was just being generally sulky like most kids could be) and could mask the idea that he was sick or in pain or suffering. But while he slept the massive weight loss in a short space of time was most visible. While he was lying still it was clearer how his clothing hung off of him, even pyjamas that were meant to have a degree of space in them looked four sizes too big for his slight frame. Neil turned around and heaved a sigh, laying the boy's cap on his bedside table. They padded downstairs silently and headed into the kitchen.

"Staying tonight?" Neil asked, pulling a bottle of white wine from the fridge.

"If you'll have me," Grace teased, wrapping her arms round his waist while got glasses from a cupboard. Setting the glasses down, Neil spun and captured her lips in his, softly, slowly and filled with more passion that the brief pecks he gave her in Jake's presence.

"If I had it my way you'd be here all the time." He kissed her forehead and hugged her tight. "Maybe, one day, you will." He filled the glasses with Grace's arm around his waist.

"Yeah, maybe I will."

The wine finished, Grace found herself wrapped in Neil's arms, under warm sheets and beside someone she loved completely, trusted fully. It had been so long since she'd felt as loved and at home as she did with Neil, not to mention the delight she took at getting along so well with Jake. She rested her head on Neil's chest, sighing contentedly.

"Love you." Neil whispered, placing a light kiss on her lips.

"Love you too." She grinned, pulling his lips back on hers, in order that she show him just how much.

**Please hit the nice review button! Good or bad I want to hear from my readers!**


	3. His Mini Me

**I realise that it has been an absolute **_**age**_** since I updated and I am really and truly sorry for that. I just hope you all keep on reading. We're back to the present again and while no questions have been answered as to why Neil & Grace split there are some hints dropped. I'm hoping to get a lot more writing done as it is now officially my summer holidays! Keep reading guys!**

Jo Masters shivered involuntarily as she waited for the man on the top step to unlock the front door to the townhouse before them, partly from the freezing cold, partly from fear of the unknown. The sandstone building in a pretty tree lined street, in a rather affluent area of Sun Hill looked inconspicuous enough – but it was like a Pandora's Box. It was wear Grace and the secret daughter had lived for the years her so-called best friend had spent in hiding, who knew what secrets lurked behind the pillar box red front door, with the shiny brass number 12 flecked with snowflakes? Since the realisation of the little Lily Dasari's paternity had spread round the nick and Neil Manson had confined himself to his office, blinds closed until storming to the scene of the disappearance with a look of utmost displeasure on his face all anyone could talk about was where Grace had been for the past six years and why she had kept everything such a massive secret. From Neil Manson in particular. Jo herself couldn't help feeling a pang of hurt. She and Grace had been friends, had they not? Surely Grace would have realised that of all the people to tell, Jo would never have judged her on her pregnancy despite the child's paternity and her own feelings on the matter and, no matter what Grace decided to do, have been there for her. That's what friends did for one another.  
>They did <em>not<em> just leave work one day and disappear into thin air.  
>The lock opened with a loud click, breaking the heavy silence of the dark evening and, beckoning the sergeant with a slow smile and a slight of hand, Adil Dasari led the way inside. Under normal circumstances, Grace's father would have been an intimidating man. His height alone, even at seventy had him eye to eye with some of the taller, burlier police officers and, in some of the tenser moments of the day his low, severe tone reminded them all of what a powerful and highly revered ex-lawyer this man was. However, there were a greater number of times during the few hours since Jo Masters had met Adil that she had seen through the exterior to the father and grandfather that he was. She could see the anguish of losing his granddaughter in the cold, the deep fear that the outcome would not be a good one and most of all, the guilt he felt, the blame he apportioned himself for the escapade of the day.<br>"Thank you, DS Masters." Adil turned, turning the light on in the long front hall. "I really appreciate this you know and Lily," he petered off briefly, "our Lily would want to thank you. She really cannot be without this teddy while she sleeps." Reaching towards a sideboard which was an organised mess of abstract drawings and paintings in red, blue, yellow and green, the greying man took hold of a worn teddy bear. "I don't know where this little thing came from but from the day she was born it slept in her crib and when she was toddling it was always in her little hands, she only parts with it to go to school, can't sleep without it. It's been in Paris, Madrid, Delhi, New York, Orlando. Everywhere our Lily goes the bear goes too."  
>"It's not a problem sir, as family liaison this is my job." She laid a gentle hand on the man's arm. "Is there anything else you think you should take to the hospital for her?" He looked up in confusion. "Pyjamas, maybe, some joggers for her to wear when she's sitting up and getting out of bed again?"<br>"Grace would appreciate that I think." He nodded, still frowning. "You seem to know what you're doing, DS Masters. I wonder, could you help me?"  
>"Of course, lead the way."<br>Lily Dasari's room was not the explosion of pink and sparkles that Jo had expected of a six year old girl. Instead it was a pale shade of lilac, with butterflies stencilled neatly on the walls and blue butterflies pinned on the outside of the princess-type canopy that draped the top of the singled bed. It was the usual chaos of a child's room however. A doll's house lay open in the corner, carefully crafted wooden figures and assorted furniture spilling onto the carpet. A jigsaw lay half finished on a child's size table, tiny shoes and socks were strewn around the place, a baby doll was lying face down, abandoned, on top of a toy chest. Adil grabbed a pink rucksack from a hook on the back of the door and opened one of the white, butterfly stickered drawers before looking back to Jo.  
>"Two pairs of PJs." The officer decided. She picked out a pale blue butterfly patterned top and shorts set smiling brightly. "She sure loves butterflies."<br>"Oh, it's her little obsession." There was something of amusement laced in Adil's tone and Jo was glad she was able to draw some happiness from the brooding gentleman. "When they were in Florida Grace took her to a butterfly garden." He picked up a picture from the top of the cabinet. It had been by Adil himself; Lily was sitting on Grace's lap her small hands clasping her mother's where they linked around her waist. The little girl had a butterfly painted on her cheek and one was nestled in her hair, looking extremely like a fancy hair pin. Grace was beaming, pride in her gorgeous daughter evident. "They redecorated in here the minute they got back. Everything had to have a butterfly on ." Tears sprung to the old man's eyes but he determinedly wiped them away, placing the picture down. "I can't imagine what it will be like if she doesn't pull through." He sighed shakily. "You're not supposed to have favourites when it comes to your grandchildren, but I always had a soft spot for Lily, she's my youngest."  
>They continued on in silence, Jo wary that the man was on the brink of tears and Adil in attempt to hold back. They gathered together another pair of pyjamas, two tiny pink hooded zippers, soft jogging trousers that matched one of the jumpers, toothbrush, hairbrush and assorted ribbons and ties as well as an assortment of other necessities which they managed to cram into the rucksack. At the front door, just as they were about to leave Adil dashed into the living area and began rummaging in a cupboard. Following him in Jo was suddenly assaulted by the pictures on the mantelpiece which captured Lily over the last six years. Whether she was blowing out birthday candles, or wearing a Santa hat, posing with an ice cream cone or smiling against the old style blue background of school photos Jo couldn't help but notice that – once you looked by the ebony hair and skin tone passed on by her mother – there was no denying the child's parentage. She hadn't noticed it in the picture used in the search or the first time she'd gotten a good look at the girl just as she was hurried off in the back of an ambulance but now, faced with an assortment of photos Jo could only conclude that this little girl was the female version of her father. Lily's were the chocolate brown eyes of Neil Manson, she had the slope to her nose and the same cheeky smile (not that it was a smile often seen on the sombre DI) of the man who had never been aware of her existence until mere hours ago.<br>"Okay, I think we can go now." Adil was on his feet again, a photo album in his hands. "Lily made it with Grace, all the best pictures go in here."  
>As the car snuck onto the dual carriageway which was the fastest route to St Hughes' Hospital Adil spoke to Jo for the first time since they had left the townhouse. "Don't judge Grace for the decisions she made six years ago. She had her reasons and I'm sure, in time, she will come to tell you and Neil both. You were her best friend, if I remember correctly and she has to talk to Neil again. For Lily's sake."<br>And in that brief comment Adil Dasari had confirmed that Neil Manson was Lily Dasari's father.

**THE BILL**

There was lots of doctors speaking very quickly and in a tongue she couldn't even distinguish as English. All she managed to catch was _hypothermia, dangerously low core temperature_ and, most scarily, _dropping heart rate_. Grace could see her daughter, swathed in a cocoon of tin foil, wires criss-crossing everywhere, surrounded by harried looking medical professionals, completely still and perfect, _just like the day she was born._  
>No. Grace steeled herself against the painful memories, she survived then – she can survive now.<br>"Miss Dasari?" Grace jumped as a hand came to rest on her shoulder. "I'm Dr Logan, paediatrics consultant – I'm taking care of Lily." She allowed herself to be steered away from the room full of people and massive machines and into a smaller, quieter side room. "You daughter was exposed to the elements for a long period of time. It's hard to pin point exactly how long she's been in her unconscious state so it's difficult to judge before we get back test results what stage of hypothermia she is in." Grace allowed herself a few tears, wiping them with the back of her hand.  
>"Will she be okay?"<br>The doctor sighed. "It's very hard to say at the moment but we are doing all we can." A nurse appeared with a clip board and handed it over. "At the moment our main concern is for Lily's core temperature. She's suffering from severe hypothermia and the fastest way to raise her temperature is by a process called extracorporeal rewarming."  
>"I'm sorry, what?" Grace rubbed her eyes. "What does that mean?"<br>"We will put lines into the femoral artery on Lily's right leg and the femoral vein on the left. This way blood will be filtered out of the body, warmed by a machine and will flow back in through the tube into her femoral vein. The heated blood will be taken to the heart where it will be pumped around her body, raising her core temperature. It's is invasive however it is very successful. We'll move Lily to the PICU for the procedure where she'll remain on her ventilator which is supporting her at the moment. We should know the extent of the damage done by the hypothermia in the morning and we can move from there – hopefully by weaning her off the ventilator as soon as possible." Grace just nodded, terrified for her baby's life. "We need you to sign to acknowledge your permission to carry out the procedure."  
>"Okay," she mumbled, shakily picking up the pen offered to her and signing the sheet on the clipboard.<br>"Miss Dasari," the consultant turned in the doorway, "your daughter has survived this far. I'm hopeful she will pull through."  
>And for now, that was reassurance enough.<p>

*THE BILL*

"Jo –" A hand grasped the sergeant's arm and she jumped, scared for a moment.  
>"Gov! You scared me."<br>Neil Manson looked dreadful. Harassed, confused and scared were only some of the emotions flickering across his face. His eyes – Lily's eyes – stared into Jo's. "Meadows has put me off the case. They know I'm Lily's dad – well, we _think_ I am so...No one is telling me anything. Please Jo, tell me something."  
>"Sir, you know I can't."<br>"I'm not asking as your boss Jo – I'm asking as a father." Suddenly, a barrier fell. "I never even knew I had a daughter 24 hours ago but I do. I have a daughter and for all I know she could be dying. When Jake was six he might have lived in Spain but I knew his daily routine. I knew his favourite colour, what his favourite bedtime story was, how he took his hot chocolate, what cereal he liked, what foods he hated. I don't even know if Lily has a middle name for crying out loud – I don't know her Jo, I can't lose her." Even in the days of Jake's leukaemia Neil had _never_ publicly broken down like this. "I made a stupid mistake Jo, something I've regretted since the day it happened and because of that I've missed six years of her life. Please tell me what is going on." Oh, how he could manipulate people, Jo seethed.  
>"She's in intensive care. They're having to warm her blood for her because she can't raise her body temperature alone because she's too weak. She's being ventilated to try and prevent her lung's collapsing before they can assess the total damage and she's under heavy sedation. They're doing their best for her Neil."<br>"Thank you." He said, although he didn't appear soothed in the least, if anything he looked more panicked.  
>"Go home gov, Grace is in too much of a state to face any of us right now." He flinched slightly at the mention of his ex. "Go home and try and get some sleep. You're no good to anyone if you're falling asleep on us – come back tomorrow and I'm sure Adil will update you."<br>"Okay, thank you Jo."  
>As he turned to go, shoulders hunched in preparation for the cold blast from the outside world DS Masters called out to him. "Her favourite colour is purple," he turned in time to catch Jo smirking at him, "and she loves butterflies."<p>

**Can I just add at the end, a really brief (but big) thank you for all the wonderful reviews I've received and for everyone who added this to alerts/favourites! Thank you all so much! Keep reviewing! **


	4. How We Got Here

**Sorry about the review, as I type this A/N and upload this chapter the next one is being written. This didn't turn out quite as I wanted it to but I hope you guys enjoy it. As always thank you to my amazing readers! This is for you guys :)**

January 2011  
>She twirled the white plastic in her hands, every so often catching sight of the blue plus sign that confirmed her worst fear. Wrapping it in a wad of toilet paper she put it in the bin beneath the bathroom sink before sitting down on the edge of the bath, head in hands, barely able to hold back the tears that were filling her eyes.<p>

This was what she had wanted wasn't it?  
>Great boyfriend, amazing stepson, move in scheduled for the next weekend and now this. In any <em>normal<em> situation she would be doing cartwheels. She would have raced downstairs to tell Neil, the man she loved beyond any doubt, that he was about to become a father again.  
>But this was <em>not<em>normal – far from it.

_The door rattled in its frame as it was slammed shut. The sound of Jake's rucksack scraping the wooden floor with extra force echoed down the hall. Grace lifted her head from Neil's chest. Two pairs of brown eyes met in the realisation that something was wrong. Jake was home early._

_He appeared in the living room, cold air blowing in around him, eyes glittering and obvious tear tracks on his cheeks. Neil stood up to meet his son, worried about the early return and wiped a stray tear from his cheek.  
>"Jake, what's wrong?" The ten year old choked back a sob, not looking his father in the eye. "Jake, what is it?"<br>"He bit me!" He held up his hand, his thumb was luminous with bruising and there were obvious bite marks in the middle.  
>"Let me see." Grace soothed, reaching for him. Neil stood by, silently fuming, as Jake sat beside her and allowed her to look at the mark more closely. "It looks pretty bad – how old is he?"<br>"Two." Jake looked guiltily at the floor. "Mum yelled because I pushed him away from me and he toppled off of the couch. She wouldn't listen when I told her it was an accident. He's little so he doesn't know any better." Anger seemed to rise in him, he ripped his hat from his head and launched in across the room. "It's always the same! It's never Lucas' fault! It's always mine because I'm the oldest! Liam always blames me because Luc is his son and mum doesn't care anymore because she has a new kid to look after!" He looked to his dad who had come to sit on the other side of him. "She doesn't want me anymore. She doesn't have room for me."  
>"That isn't true Jake your mum loves you." Neil reasoned gently.<br>"Lucas has MY old room – the bigger room because he lives there all the time while I only live there every second weekend and on Wednesdays. Mum is late picking me up from school EVERY Wednesday because she has to pick Lucas up from the babysitter first. Lucas is always first. Never me – not anymore."  
>Neil looked at Grace, neither sure what to say. "Listen," Neil sighed, "I'll call your mum and we can talk. I'll let her know you got home alright and I'll ask her about what's going on."<br>"How did you know I'd run off?" Jake asked.  
>"You feel like an icicle. So there's no way you got a lift here." Grace joked. "I'll go get you some hot chocolate okay?"<br>"Thanks Gracie." Jake hugged her fiercely. "Love you."  
>"Love you too Jakey."<br>From the kitchen she could hear the hum of the three way phone call in the living room. She really felt for Jake and the way the attention had been diverted majorly from him. It must be difficult, being an only child for so long and then…She stopped, picking up on strands of conversation that were drifting from the living room.  
>"I'm sorry Jake and mum's sorry too. She's going to try harder with you and Lucas but you need to try to be patient with him. He is only little even though that doesn't excuse him biting you."<br>"I know – I'm sorry too dad. Only.."  
>"Only what?"<br>"Promise me," Jake began, "promise me you won't do that to me, you and Grace." Grace knitted her brows together. Do what? "Promise that you won't have a baby as well. I don't want you to leave me out as well."  
>Grace tightened her grip on the mug of hot chocolate and returned to the room.<br>_

Jake was going to flip. She had always wanted a child and having Neil's child was just about perfect but at the expense of his son? She knew deep down that Jake would survive it but she didn't want to drive a wedge between him and Neil, she didn't want this to destroy everything she'd built with the boy.

Slowly she stood and travelled down to the living room where Neil was. He was doing paperwork, feet propped on the table, balancing the laptop on his lap, one eye on the football. Grace sat beside him and was immediately enveloped in a warm embrace.  
>"I need to ask you something." She began lightly.<br>"Ask away." He grinned kissing her forehead.  
>"What we promised Jake – about not leaving him out and everything. Do you think it was slightly melodramatic?"<br>Neil sighed. "I couldn't do that to him Grace. His mother having a baby with Liam destroyed him. He feels like he doesn't have a place there anymore and I don't want him to feel like that about this house, _our _ house."  
>Grace met his eyes, nodded understandingly. "Okay."<p>

*Jake*  
>The fighting died down a little while ago. To be honest, I'm not sure what it was over but it wasn't like their normal bickering. Grace is better at riding out dad's bad moods than mum ever was but not this time.<br>I heard her in her and dad's room throwing things into a bag. I heard her leaving through the front door and knew that this wasn't like normal.  
>Dad was crying when I peered into the kitchen but I don't think he knew he was. He was just staring out the window, looking lost. I left him there – not because I wasn't worried about him but because he was scaring me.<br>I decided to just start my bedroom routine. I put my PJs on and went to brush my teeth remembering that the toothpaste had ran out this morning so I'd need to get a new one from under the sink.  
>That's when I knocked the bin over.<br>That's when I found it.  
>That's when I knew Grace wasn't coming back.<br>That's why I decided not to tell dad about why Grace had really gone.

Most days, looking back from where we are now, I wish I'd told the truth. _  
><em>

**Please let me know what you all think! Review my lovelies! 3**


	5. Begin Again

The only thing keeping Grace going was the steady beeping that reminded her that Lily's heart was still beating. The tiny girl was swathed in blankets, surrounded by hot water bottles, tubes down her throat to keep her chest rising and falling; two protruding from beneath the blanket removing and returning warmed blood to her body. Some colour had returned to her cheeks which had been chalky and ashen since she had been hauled from a log and into the back of an ambulance. The hubbub of the ED had been replaced by the calm and quiet of the intensive care unit. Everyone on this floor was fighting for survival. There was no guarantee anyone would live.

There was a chance that Lily could die.

But she didn't let herself think like that. She had survived the night, her temperature had been steady for almost three hours and there was hope. Once the doctor returned for a morning consultation they would cease with the invasive measures for rewarming and let Lily's body do the rest. The ventilator however, was here for as least the next forty eight hours – the frail little girl needed all the help she could get.

She had never considered how little Lily was. Compared to other children her age she had always been a little slower in growing tall and putting on weight but she had always been active and eaten well and Grace had never seen it as a problem that she was smaller than others. She was just as smart if not smarter than here friends and just as quick a runner, always able to keep up. Now though, whilst she lay in the bed, perfectly still and not dancing around daft, quiet and not babbling away at one hundred miles an hour Grace was able to spend hours just considering how little she was. She looked so vulnerable and helpless lying there being helped to breath, freezing cold – and Grace could do nothing. It was utter torture.

"Any news yet?" Grace whipped around to find Jo Masters standing in the doorway. She was accompanied by the smell of fresh coffee and two chocolate croissants.

"The doctor should be around in an hour." She whispered in reply. There was a hint of embarrassment about her. There was the woman she had once considered her best friend, who she'd ran away from, acting as though this was the most normal thing in the world.

"You still take your coffee the same way right? Milk, no sugar?" Grace nodded and accepted the cup with a nod of thanks. "I remembered that you liked the chocolate croissant from the nick canteen, they were the only things you ate in the mornings. I brought you some."

"You didn't have to Jo – not after what I've done."

"It's what you haven't done." The sergeant smiled weakly. Tears began sliding down Grace's cheeks and Jo sighed. "Grace, sweetheart, you could have told me."

"I know," she sobbed lightly, "I wanted to. I really did. I just couldn't risk Neil finding out. "

Jo wrapped her friend in a warm hug. "He's her dad, Grace."

"I just…it was.."

"You don't have to tell me anything Grace. It's between you and the gov but right now we all need to focus on Lily getting well." Grace nodded appreciative of the fact that Jo was refraining from prying. "It must have been difficult though, raising her alone."

Grace smiled, a genuine smile as she reached out for her daughter's tiny hand. "It's been worth every minute." She gently smoothed the plaster over the IV line. "She's amazing; she's funny and smart and cute and quirky. She's like Neil in a lot of ways and she can remind me of Jake at times." Jo laughed and Grace turned to look at her.

"There's a boy who worried his poor dad out of his mind. Sat his GCSEs and told the gov he'd failed every single one of them. The man was going out of his mind – nearly killed him when he ended up with straight As. He's doing well is young Jake, wanted to be a copper but Neil convinced him otherwise. His heart is currently set on a chemistry degree."

Grace chuckled. "I heard what you did for my dad – helping him with Lil's stuff. Thanks."

"FLO, comes with the territory." The officer joked as they both sipped their coffees.

"I am sorry you know – that I didn't tell you about her. That I just left, for everything really. I was just really upset."

Jo nodded and they sat in quiet silence until they doctor arrived and Jo excused herself, allowing Grace a private update on her daughter's condition.

*THE BILL*

He'd fallen asleep on the couch the previous evening, exhausted and confused and upset and that's where Jake found him the next morning. It was a Saturday and he was already confused by the lack of the fry up smell that normally accompanied a weekend morning. Even when his dad worked weekends – which was often now that Jake hardly spent them at home – he always made breakfast.

"Dad, you okay?" The sixteen year old shook his father's shoulder lightly. He jerked awake suddenly and sighed as his memory flooded back.

"We need to talk mate – over breakfast." Neil looked serious and Jake was worried. Had the school found out about his year breaking into the swimming pool the previous Saturday and having a party? No, he reasoned, they would have pulled them up in school.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

There was no point in avoiding it. "A little girl went missing yesterday – they found her but….I'm her dad. I never knew until yesterday." Jake flinched.

"What do you mean?" It was the expected response. He already knew what he meant and whose child it was and why his dad never knew. He kept his mouth firmly shut.

"Grace, she had a baby, my baby. She never told me." He looked at Jake who was looking awkward. "You have a sister mate. Her name is Lily."

"I'll start breakfast shall I?" Jake belted from the room and his father retreated upstairs and into a warm shower. In typical Manson fashion he had been incredibly blunt – but Jake had to be told. Like it or not, when all of this was over, Neil was resolved to make sure that Lily became a permanent fixture in his life. He had a daughter now and he was determined to make up those six years of absence to her – and to Grace, especially to Grace.

*THE BILL*

"That's good isn't it? They're stopping the machine reheating?"

Grace was still cradling the coffee Jo had brought her hours before, running her finger absently round the rim.

"Hopefully," she told her mother who was gripping Lily's hand tightly and looking desperately at Grace for reassurance. "She'll still be on the ventilator for now. They've took scans and x-rays this morning and they think the chest infection we thought she'd shaken off is developing into pneumonia. To prevent it worsening and harming her lungs they're driving antibiotics into her system but basically this is just a waiting game." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "She'll be taken off of the ventilator after the first round of IV antibiotics is over which should be in the next twenty four hours. She'll be in here for a while though. Weeks they think." She didn't want to tell her mother that the pneumonia would likely develop anyway, that she could end up back on the ventilator as quickly as she got off it – that the disease could kill her.

The smaller woman, smiled weakly before glancing up from her granddaughter. "I'm so, so sorry Grace, love. I feel terrible for what's happened."

"I don't blame you Ma," Grace assured standing and walking around her little girl to hug her mother. "This was no one's fault. They're just kids. They were playing hide and seek and she climbed into the log and fell asleep." She patted her mother's shoulder. Despite wanting someone to blame she knew that it wasn't her mother's fault that Lily was here. "No one is to blame."

"She told me she was too tired to play –"

"_No one_ _is to blame_." Grace smiled. "Could you please go with dad to the house and get me a change of clothes like you promised?" She teased lightly.

"Of course, love." She kissed her granddaughter's forehead before hugging her daughter tightly. "I won't be long."

The door clicked closed and Grace tucked a fly away curl behind Lily's ear. "I'm sorry baby." She spoke quietly, "I should never have left you yesterday. Now you're going to be sick at Christmas." She bit back tears. It was all her fault, she was so focused on work that she had put her daughter second, she had failed to protect her and look what had happened. Her six year old was fighting for her life – and she had barely lived. "You need to wake up soon baby. This little drama of yours means you get to meet Daddy. You've always wanted that haven't you? You want to see him. Ask him lots of questions. Remember you asked me some of them? He's going to adore you Lils, you're the most amazing little girl ever. I love you so much baby." Reaching out she picked up the sticker covered album her father had brought along the previous night.

The first page was Lily's favourite. The first scan picture of her labelled 'Jelly Bean', baby Lily, only hours old, wrapped in a pink blanket and, in the middle, a picture of Neil and Grace. She couldn't remember who had taken it – only that it had found its way into a frame on her bedside table until she had left that night and taken it with her. It was the only good picture, the only picture of them as a couple that she had. Lily loved it. They both looked so happy, out at some work party, sitting at a no descript table with a beer and a glass of wine in front of them. They were looking at one another rather than the camera, their foreheads almost touching, lips centimetres apart, she could swear the photographer had tried to capture a kiss and had caught the aftermath. A perfect, loving glance. A tear splashed onto the page.

She felt so incredibly guilty for leaving him without even mentioning their child who had been, at that stage, smaller than a jellybean. She had left out of some misplaced belief that it had been the right thing but now everything was a mess and she regretted it so much.

Grace knew she could never be with Neil again, could never risk hurting him like she knew she had hurt him again. She had seen the agonised look on his face when he realised that Lily was his. That he had a daughter. Family was everything to Neil and she had kept his family from him. His own flesh and blood. She had to try to make amend though. He had to be able to build a relationship with Lily and she would fully support it.

They could both be her parents. They would be friends but, Grace decided as a she flipped the album closed, nothing more.

Neil deserved the chance to have a relationship with his daughter – and he was going to get it.


End file.
